Elusive

You may have noticed that I uploaded a picture of Derek Zoolander as a profile photo. You may also have noticed I have only written one blog. This defines Jake Hammerfield. I am elusive. You will never know when I have posted a blog. If you think you will know, you are wrong. I will tell you a story of the last time someone thought they knew me:

I found a dog while I was out adventuring one afternoon. I named him Sirius, after the satellite radio company. We became the best of friends, little did I know he would come to double cross me in the worst way. We were walking down the street, minding our own business, when someone came up and told me how cute Sirius was. He leaned over to pet him and I knocked him out with my bicep. He thought he knew me and could just come up and pet my dog. Jerk.

Anyway, one day Sirius ran off.

Jake Hammerfield knows no bounds

I have no beginning, I am Jake Hammerfield. Was I born? Not in the way you might think. Was Superman born? Was Spider-man born? Was Megatron born? NO! They came into existence. Will I die? Maybe.



A long time ago I was a boy, and as a boy I lived life to the fullest: Throwing rocks at passing women, teaching puppies how to read, and dropping change off of skyscrapers...followed by innocently helping the ambulence workers clean up the "accident."



I skipped adolesence and became a man at age 7, after my mother died from a severe lotion allergy. I don't know much about my father, but people tell me he has awesome hair...I try to live up to that every day.

Well, that about sums up my life until this point. Now you know me.